He Didn't Know Why
by Vapor2008
Summary: A short little story set sometime after cloak.
1. Chapter 1

It was a slight tugging at his heart that had him get up and just leave. He didn't really know where he was going or what he was going to do once he got there; all he knew was that he had to go.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky as he made his way out to his car. Every star in the night sky was visible now and that was rare. Usually, the city lights would fade the light of the stars. For some reason, that told him he was doing the right thing. It was like even the heavens were smiling on him tonight. That was a good feeling.

He didn't really think much as he got in his car at first. He just turned it on and started to drive. When he came to a light or a stop he would simply not think and pick a direction. Within five minutes though, he realized where he was being lead and that started his mind going.

What is she didn't understand why he was there? Well, why would she? He didn't even understand why he was going there. He just knew that tonight he had to go see her. He was tired of pretending there was nothing there. There was; at least for him anyway. Tonight was now about finding out what she had really meant when she said she was also tired of pretending.

He got to her apartment and simply shut off the car. Now he was nervous. Sitting there, in his car, he realized that this was probably a stupid idea. Maybe he should have ignored that tugging, like he normally did. But tonight, it was so much stronger. It was almost like there was a force that knew more than he did and that force knew he needed to see her tonight.

Slowly he got out of his car and made his way to her door.

She knew he was coming. There was no reason for her to know that, but she did. For the whole night she had this feeling gripping her heart that he would come see her tonight. It was so strong that she hadn't gone to sleep yet. She couldn't sleep. She had to know what he wanted. She had to be awake when he got there.

Of course, she had a feeling she knew why he was coming. It was because of what they had said earlier. Tired of pretending. They were both tired of it. For a while she had thought they were talking about two different things, but something had been telling her tonight, that they weren't.

She didn't do anything special. She didn't get dressed up or put on any makeup. That wasn't who she was and he would know. She simply picked a good movie on TV and poured herself a glass of wine and waited.

She had been watching a lot of movies lately. Partially because of that class she had taken but mostly because of him. Actually, she had only taken the class because of him, so it was completely his fault she watched a movie anytime she got a chance. She didn't mind though. It gave them something in common. Something she could understand his excitement about.

The second he pulled up she knew. The feeling got so much stronger. It almost scared her. How in tune she was with him. How she could just know what he doing. That kind of connection was something she was completely unfamiliar with. It was something that had kept her alive on many different occasions, but she was beginning to fear that a connection that deep might also distract her. She knew him. Inside and out and he knew her.

He finally made it to the door and paused. What was he doing here? There was no reason. She would be asleep and be very angry when he woke her up.

She wasn't asleep though. He could feel her on the other side of the door. He didn't know how to react to that kind of connection with someone, but he knew it was a good thing. She was the only person who really knew him and he felt like he was beginning to know who she really was. Maybe things would be okay tonight. He knew he was supposed to be here. He had to trust that she would know that too.

He never even had to knock. As he was standing there trying to figure out what was really going on, she opened the door. When he saw her he knew she had expected him that night. She had a glass of wine in one hand and a movie was playing in the background. She hadn't been sleeping. He knew; she had been waiting.

As she stood back and offered him entrance he knew this was not a night of sex or physical pleasure. This was going to be a night of confessions. A night of simply talking and learning what the other was truly thinking. Tonight they would connect even more than they already were.

**This is just a random story I wrote while thinking about something completely not related to NCIS or its characters. Sorry if it wasn't so good, but let me know what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

For a long time they didn't actually say anything. She sat on the couch and he sat next to her, not quit touching, but closer than needed. They watched silently as the movie played on; both knowing there was a lot to talk about, but neither knowing where to begin.

As the credits began to role, she turned off the television and turned to face him. She didn't know what to say. Part of her knew that all she had to say was she wasn't referring to NCIS when she had said she was tired of pretending, but she was scared.

It was a new feeling really; being scared. She had been trained to not feel fear and could run straight into gunfire without a second thought, but now, she was scared. Scared to talk to her own partner, but in a way she knew he was more than that, and that, was why she was afraid.

He could feel her eyes on him, but he wouldn't turn to look at her. There was so much to say and he didn't know where to begin. Part of him hoped that she would start, yet he knew she was leaving this up to him.

This talk had been a long time coming. Maybe they should have talked about this within the first year they met. Perhaps then, everything that had happened in the last few years would be different. They were pretending. They had been for as long as he could figure. The thing was he knew that they could never stop. Things had to stay the way they were.

Finally, he turned to look at her. Like always, he could read everything in her eyes. He knew she understood what had to be said. She knew that nothing could come of this, but for some reason, that hurt him more than Jeanne leaving. It was like a piercing straight through his heart.

"I'm tired of pretending." That's all he could think of saying. It was the only thing that made sense. It summed up everything he wanted to say, but said it in a way that protected him just a little bit.

She wasn't sure what she was expecting him to say, but that wasn't it. However, she answered with the only thing that made sense to her.

"As am I." It was simply a repeat of the conversation that brought them here, but now they both knew what the other truly meant by that statement.

They continued to look at each other; neither one making an effort to say anything else for a long time. She knew they should continue to talk about it; to figure out what to do next. Yet, she didn't even know where to begin. The look in his eyes said it couldn't go anywhere, and she ruefully agreed he was right. Still, she would have liked to verbalize something.

Instead, she asked him about his childhood. It was a subject she knew little about. Long into the night they opened up to each other like they never had before. She told him all about her past. She told him things that no one else would ever know.

He knew why she was doing this; talking about everything else. They both knew that as long as they didn't really talk about it, things wouldn't have to change in any way. It was a way to protect them both. At least, for the time being.

She told him everything about Ari. He could tell she expected him to change his opinion of her for what she did. After all, she killed her own brother, but he couldn't hold that against her. By killing Ari, she had saved Gibbs, and avenged Kate. How could he look down on anyone for putting others above herself?

They talked until they had nothing else to say. Finally, he got up and grabbed his coat. She stood with him and walked him to the door. When they got to it, they both just stopped and looked to each other.

"What do we do now?"

His heart broke when she spoke those words. He had hoped she wouldn't ask. By not asking everything could stay the same. Now it could never be like it was. There would always be a knowledge there that they would have to live with everyday.

Looking down at her he knew he had only one chance to get this right. He had to let her know he didn't want to keep pretending, but that it was something they had to do. Very slowly, so she would have a chance to stop him, he bent his head to hers, and gently, very gently, kissed her. He didn't let it last too long. It was just to show her something.

She knew what he was doing. He was letting her know that something greater than what they wanted had to be taken into account. His kiss was soft and gentle and final. It broke her heart, but she knew he was right. Maybe someday things would be different, but for now they had to be like this.

When he pulled back she saw the sadness in his eyes. She knew her own reflected what he felt.

"We just keep pretending."

With those final words he walked out of her door and she resigned herself to her worst fate yet.


End file.
